Now we all know that an athlete of my caliber has a natural and undying competitive streak. In fact, until my intern Bray, I had never heard of a concept called "second place" (I believe that what it is called). Whether it was winning multiple national martial arts titles, annihilating weight lifting competitions, or dominating dart championships, I have never been stopped. Because of this, there was never a doubt in my mind that I would in fact win the 10K Great Race of Agoura and more than likely set a course record. Due to the significance of this race I did implement a strict "run 3 miles once every 2 weeks" training protocol which I stuck to religiously. Also, in an ingenious veteran racer move, I grew a beard to create more air resistance to further intensify my rigorous preparation. In fact, my beard created such drag, cars would drive behind me in my draft. Chris Stevenson, The Genetic Jackhammer, was finely tuned as humanly possible, no, as super-humanly possible and was poised to saunter his way to a monumental finish.
But this is where my story would take an unexpected turn, and I would be lucky enough to finally give back.
A young boy named Cole, who was also entering the 10K Great Race of Agoura, set for himself an incredible goal: To beat me, Chris Stevenson. Now, anyone with half a brain, or even no brain at all, would know that this poor diluted child would have absolutely no chance of beating one of the greatest athletes in the world, nay, universe. But Cole has looked up to me for quite a long time and often expressed his desire to grow up and be just like me. The kid has a keen eye for greatness. Let's race.
As we lined up at the start, it hit me. It hit me hard and fast, like Bray hitting an all you can eat buffet. Could there be something more important than adding another trophy to my collection? I have climbed to the top of the mountain and swam to the bottom of the sea. Did I really have any more to prove? It was at that very moment as I looked at poor Cole trembling in fear and awe of my massive being, I knew my purpose. This day, my purpose was not to win. My purpose was to help this young boy become a man by LETTING HIM WIN. Being the humble, generous, and selfless role model that I am I decided to put my competitive nature aside, which is as difficult for me as it is for someone to put aside their desire to breath, in order to use this race to build Cole's confidence, ultimately, positively affecting the rest of his life. This would be the moment my young admirer would learn all things are possible, and to shoot for his dreams and never ever give up. Thanks to my sacrifice, Cole would start the race as a boy and cross the finish line as a man!
The race begins! I run next to Cole and allow him to go stride for stride with greatness. I PRETEND to be breathing hard, which is extremely difficult, due to my highly advanced cardiovascular system. I throw in a few moans and groans to sell the whole work. As I run, I enter deep into meditation in order to take control of my body on a level known only to the most elite athletes. With this level of control, I can actually force myself to sweat profusely just by willing my body to do so. I use this skill since the running is not a challenge, but I must, for Cole's sake, make him believe he is beating me and that I am working really hard. Then it hits me! I'm really going to go for it. I'm going to let him get so far ahead that he really REALLY believes this whole farce. I slow down without making it obvious. Once he was out of my sight, deep down inside, I knew the real winner today was me. I smiled knowing that my unselfish good deed would be successful. I ran the rest of the race with a feeling of satisfaction and pride, knowing how much I helped build Cole's self-esteem and self-confidence. In fact, at this moment, I realize I have helped EVERYONE running this race, by allowing all of the other competitors to have a chance. Still, most importantly today, I have helped a boy become a man. It truly was a great race.
